Before I proceed, I want to share the Ground Rules that I will attempt to follow on this journey through Wonderland. I’d like to think of it as the basics in what I am holding myself against in this next chapter. These rules are an amalgamation of sound advice from friends, highlights from various spiritual texts, and things I’ve learned about myself over the last 10 years. So pretty simple, right?

• Rule #1: Friendship is the foundation of a good relationship. What this means to me is that my initial lens will be that of making friends. Friendship is first and foremost. Can I hang out with this person in a friends only setting? Do we have similarities that are strong enough to keep the friendship intact? Can I share my deepest, darkest secrets with them? Can I give them shit and they give me shit back without taking things too personally? Are they good listeners?
• Rule #2: Mutual physical attraction enhances the sexual chemistry. This one is a given. Can I move them from friend to lover without feeling guilty about it? Are they interested in my physically? Am I turned on by them physically? Are there physical features that are in sync for me? Are we sexually compatible?
• Rule #3: Realism is the ultimate solidifier. Can the sexual relationship be taken to that next level? For example, if this guy is a bi-curious married man, how realistic can I make this into a long term relationship. Probably not. Does the person live 2500 miles away from me? If so, is a long distance relationship do-able? Maybe. Maybe not. In terms of age, can I date someone 10 years older than me or 10 years younger than me. How would I really feel about the age difference long term? I need to inject a does of reality before proceeding to that next level.
• Rule #4: The Dog Test. I have a dog named Cooper. He’s a vicious little shit who can smell a coward from a mile away. The Dog Test is simple: Can Cooper learn to get along with him? The Dog Test also encompasses the “Social Circle Test” or “Other Friends Test” or “Family Test”… The test could mean bringing this potential into a social situation. Hanging out with close friends who know you, who know your Ex, and pretty much can be a good judge of character. So, can they pass the Dog Test?
• Rule #5: Be Open To The Possibilities. This rule is pretty much the “Wild Card” rule that can trump Rules #1 – 4 given certain circumstances. If the passion and spark is just so overwhelming blinding, then you should give that person a chance. Or if you’ve never tried online dating before – just fucking do it! You won’t know unless you’ve tried. Also, if a co-worker suggests a blind date with some single gay guy because they think that all gay men are cute and like each other despite the variations (e.g., twink, cub, bear, daddy, tranny, jock, gaymer, etc.) and that all gays just want sex… just go on that blind date. Because you’ll never know unless you try!
• Rule #6: If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again and again. It’s all about Hope here. I think that finding that next relationship entails making mistakes and not finding the immediate connections. It’s like going shopping for shoes. You see a style, you try it on. You look at the price and then you put it back. You see another style, try it on and it’s too uncomfortable. Just put it back. You go to another designer shoe store and see a beautiful pair, try it on and decide that the discount Nordstrom Rack was a better deal. Hopefully, no one bought those shoes by the time you decided to go back and buy them. But if someone already did, shit happens and that’s what happens when you’re fucking indecisive. Just go shopping online for shoes. Now that’s a lot harder! Just keep trying them on until you get the right fit. Eventually you’ll get tired of going barefoot and you’ll settle on something with the right fit.

Those are my Ground Rules. I reserve the right to modify or add to this list as I progress through Wonderland. After all, I will grow and evolve and probably figure out these rules suck. But until then, I need focus and something to keep me sane.