Monthly Archives: June 2013

Hook-Up Guy #2

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Hook-Up Guy #2 was named Joey.

I should have known by his awkward dialogue that this would only be a one-time hook-up. We had lunch in a nearby food court and he seemed nice at first. But that was only temporary.

Stats:

  • Where did we meet: Grindr
  • Age: 41
  • Height: 6′
  • Weight: 180 lbs
  • Hair Color: Black
  • Position: Unknown, I would guess that he’s a top
  • Penis Size: 10″
  • Best quality: He likes Comic Books

His ethnic background was Middle Eastern or Greek. I’m generally only attracted to White men, but I’ve had attraction towards other cultures. My Ex was a Latino hybrid and in High School I was attracted to Asian me. Tastes evolve, that I’m sure of. So, I decided to expand my cuisine into Middle Eastern men.

He was certainly a handsome man, but his personality absolutely soured his physique. The first thing I noticed was he “complained” about things and generally had a negative temperament towards life. I should have ended it there, but I was thinking maybe he was just nervous and that things would change if i got to know him better.

So, I invited him over.

We chatted and I realized that I wasn’t interested at all. But he made his move on me and let’s just say I’m only human and let my libido get a hold of me. I didn’t let it progress beyond mutual handling of equipment. At the end, I don’t think he got my message.

Note to self: I need to be more explicit about my intentions as to whether or not I’m interested in the guy or not. 

What turned me off even more was that he continued to text me over the course of 6 weeks. On and off, desperately wanting to see me again. I, of course, handled the situation maturely by ignoring him entirely. There have been a few instances where he’s changed his Grindr profile and accidentally tricked me into saying “Hi” to him.

I think that eventually he finally got the message. He’s probably found the man of his dreams by now. At least I can be hopeful for someone else.

Party of One

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I have always been an independent soul from the very beginning of my life. After all, I am an only child. I always envied my friends and family who all had siblings. I often wondered what it would be like to have an older brother (or sister) to boss me around. Siblings do shape you. I would have turned out to be a very different person.

But I can’t alter reality. My parents got divorced before they were able to reproduce again. Just my luck, I guess.

As an only child, I learned to make decisions on my own. As a consequence, I’m a very decisive adult. At the same time, I can be a very stubborn individual because my decisions are always the correct decisions. I’ve done the analysis and weighed all the options (for you and me) and therefore, this decision is final.

On top of that, I never truly learned to share. By having a brother or sister, one would have automatically developed the “sharing” technique. Instead, I find it somewhat irritating to portion out a piece of “X”. In fact, I’d rather do the project or “X” on my own. In all fairness, I have learned to share more from being in a long-term relationship.

In fact, I’ve begun to establish the relationship basics (often developed in one’s teen years w/siblings) as an adult in these LTRs. Albeit amidst a lot of arguments, but I’ve learned and have grown from these experiences. Heck, I still have a ways to go – I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I was a relationship expert.

I am crystallizing that part of me which needs to be developed. I am attempting to answer the questions:

  • Who am I really?
  • What exactly am I looking for?
  • Who am I looking for?
  • What the fuck do I want in a relationship?
  • How can I get comfortable in my state of singledom?

Over these last 7 months, I am finding myself reverting back to my stubborn, single self. The good news is I’ve not become jaded. Not yet anyway. But I’ve noticed that I’m becoming comfortable being alone. Being a recluse. Hanging out by myself.

This is what I want, right? To be confident in my aloneness. To be strong in my loneliness. To find solace in being one.

Yet something is eating me up inside. Maybe I’m in denial. Maybe I’m trying to convince myself that it’s fine to be alone. But I think I’m inadvertently confusing being alone with loneliness. Maybe I’m more lonely than I am feeling alone. I remember my therapist talking to me about this. It’s so fucking confusing.

Like I said earlier: I have so much content in my head that this is a way of releasing that jumbled up mess. Emotions are so tangled right now, I need to slowly unravel the knots. It takes time, but I think I’m headed in the right direction.

There is one truth for me this evening. Tonight, I’m lonely and alone.

I Saw You

I Saw You

Had a fun time at the Fremont Fair’s Solstice Parade today. Took tons of photos and just noticed this guy in the sea of naked bike riders. Who are you? Cute and handsome guy! Definitely my type.

Hook-Up Guy #1: Tim

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The first guy I hooked-up with in this single life was named, Tim. I put a random ad out on craigslist just to see what would happen and he responded.

Stats:

  • Where did we meet: Craigslist
  • Age: 31
  • Height: 5’11
  • Weight: 165-170 lbs
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Position: Top – He’s “straight”
  • Penis Size: 8″
  • Best quality: Cock

The physical attraction towards Tim was/is intense. He’s a landscape designer/architect/garden expert, so he works hard physically. He’s definitely in shape, but not ripped. Lean body type with semi curly hair. A bit on the longer side, not a huge plus for my tastes.

We immediately hit it off in my apartment and had a great time. The hook-up was sexually fulfilling. I paid attention to him; he paid attention to me. Something I appreciate in a longer term relationship. From start-to-finish, the whole thing lasted for over an hour. It was fun!

I bring up Tim because there are qualities about him that allure and fascinate me. I don’t think he would do well as a long-term relationship for me because for one thing he considers himself straight. Yes, he’s fucked women and had long-term girlfriends for all of his life. He’s said that I’m the first guy he’s been with (yeah, right) and that he just gets these cravings once in a while.

More proof that sex for most men is purely physical – there is the separation of heart and libido here.

Another turn-off for me was his scruffy look. He had some facial hair which typically is a big turn-off for me; but the chemistry elsewhere outweighed the costs – namely his cock. So far, in all my escapades, Tim has the most gorgeous, perfect penis that I’ve seen in sexual partners. The size was a perfect 8 inches, smooth skin, not too veiny, a nice proportion of head and shaft. His pubic area was also well kept/maintained. (Was this guy really straight?! YES, he actually was – his attire screamed straight Pacific Northwesterner/Seattle-lite.)

All-in-all Tim was an awesome hook-up. I’d really like to hang out with him again.

Matt

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ImageMatt was the first guy I met A.B. (After Break-up). We met on Grindr (See Appendix: Grindr) by luck. I had not fired up Grindr for weeks in Seattle and out of pure boredom I finally did. The irony is Matt is also a heavy business traveler, so our paths would’ve rarely crossed on Grindr.

The dialogue between Matt and I was of an extremely friendly tone. I think we hit it off pretty well online. I thought he had a pretty cute Grindr photo (which he disclosed to me was about 2+ years old – another quirk of Grindr users, using old photos) and I’m guessing he thought the same of mine. We continued our chats via text messaging and decided to meet up for dinner.

He suggested that we have dinner at the new Indian restaurant, Shanik. (Little did I know that this was foreshadowing to the flavors he preferred in men.) I met him at the restaurant and must note that he arrived about 20 minutes late (normally, I would flag this, but let it slide… little did I know that this was another consistent theme for him in future meet-ups.)

My initial reaction of Matt was: cute guy and extremely intelligent. What a breath of fresh air! Matt works in academic healthcare as a consultant; hence his busy travel schedule. We started out with drinks at the bar and finally was seated for dinner. What I really enjoyed about the evening was his conversation. Chatting with Matt came naturally and he was able to navigate my quirkiness and random side notes. I appreciate that about a guy when they’re able to adapt to my conversation style and able to counter it with similar stride.

At the end of dinner, we hugged and promised to connect again at a later date. That was back in January and now its been over six months and we’re still friends. We’ve hooked up a few times and he’s helped me settle into my new apartment. I honestly must say that I could not have settled in so well without his warmth and his generosity. He accompanies me to my season subscription of ballet (he calls himself my “ballet slut”). It never ceases to amaze me on how well our conversations go every single time! However, I have not let it progress to anything more than friendship. I enjoy Matt a lot: he’s cute, he’s smart, he’s talented and such a great catch! But I finally disclosed to him that I wasn’t ready to date anyone. I am only into making friends at the moment.

So, it was all me. Needless to say, Matt has continued to meet guys (on Grindr) and I believe he is currently dating a great guy who has won his heart. It’s just like that saying: “You snooze; you lose.” I hope that his friendship continues to be a part of my life.

STATS:

  • Where did we meet: Grindr
  • Age: 42
  • Height: 5’9″
  • Weight: 170 lbs
  • Hair Color: Blondish/Light Brown
  • Position: Top (primarily)
  • Penis Size: 6″
  • Best quality: Intellect and conversation

Matt is an awesome guy! Who ever settles with him will be a very lucky man. It’s always fun hanging out with him and need I mention that he’s a culinary expert! He has a very discriminating taste which I appreciate.

Appendix: Grindr

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If you aren’t familiar with it, Grindr has been the “love it or hate it” hook-up mobile device app for the gay community over the past few years. Just fire up your iPhone and instantaneously find another gay man within 100 feet of you! Instant gratification! From the official Grindr website:

The world’s biggest mobile network of guys

ImageGrindr, which first launched in 2009, has exploded into the largest and most popular all-male location-based social network out there. With more than 4 million guys in 192 countries around the world — and approximately 10,000 more new users downloading the app every day — you’ll always find a new date, buddy, or friend on Grindr.

Grindr is quick, convenient, and discreet. And it’s as anonymous as you want it to be. Grindr is a simple app that uses your mobile device’s location-based services to show you the guys closest to you who are also on Grindr. How much of your info they see is entirely your call.

0 feet away: Our mission for you

Grindr’s different because it’s uncomplicated and meant to help you meet Imageguys while you’re on the go. It’s not your average dating site — you know, the ones that make you sit in front of a faraway computer filling out complex, detailed profiles and answering invasive psychological questions. We’d rather you were zero feet away.

Whether you’re traveling, new in town, or just hanging out at home, Grindr’s the fastest, easiest, and most fun way to connect with the biggest network of nearby guys. And it’s available on not just the iPhone but also the iPad, iPod touch, Android, and BlackBerry.

It’s always amusing for me to see who’s around and to see what guys are looking for. What I’ve seen and experienced with this app is that the instant gratification can be detrimental. A person can get addicted to the ease of finding that “one night stand”. It literally is an online shopping site for gay men: fire it up, go window shopping for whatever you’re in the mood for, click on the profile, say “Hi” and let the games begin!

In all fairness, not all of the interactions are successful. The fickleness of individuals may counter the desires of the desperately seeking individual. After all, attraction goes both ways.

If you know a gay man (single or partnered) and if they have an iPhone, there’s a good chance they will have Grindr installed on their phone. You never know just when they’ll crave that hook-up.

As I mentioned earlier, you either love it or hate it. I’ve made a few good friends using Grindr, but more often I’ve had failures meeting guys on Grindr. As of May, I’m on hiatus from the app. But who knows… I haven’t uninstalled it quite yet… I may just fire up over the next few weeks. I’m currently testing my patience and willpower to stay away from this app. Wish me luck!

Appendix: The Phoenix

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Ever since I was young, I was always fascinated by the mythological creature called the Phoenix. A brilliant, fiery bird that lived hundreds of years only to be consumed by its own flames at the end of its cycle, but its gift is its rebirth! Out of the ashes spawns a new Phoenix only to repeat its cycle all over again!

According to numerous texts, the Phoenix has been an enduring mythological symbol for millennia and across multiple cultures. According to the New World Encyclopedia:

“From religious and naturalistic symbolism in ancient Egypt, to secular symbol for armies, communities, and even societies, as well as an often-used literary symbol, this mythical bird’s representation of death and rebirth seems to resonate with humankind’s aspirations.”

In Ancient Egypt, the Phoenix was associated with immortality, and that symbolism had a widespread appeal in late antiquity. The Phoenix was beautifully colored, bathed in flames, with its vibrant gold and scarlet plumage. Ancient society regarded it as a magnificent gentle bird, often described as eagle-like, and does not kill anything.

In Feng Shui tradition, when the Phoenix was reborn, it quickly grew with grace, power and strength. The legendary bird of the sun represents the four Confucian virtues:

  • Honesty
  • Loyalty
  • Justice
  • Decorum

In Chinese culture, the Phoenix symbolized: the union and melding of yin and yang; prosperity and power; grace and high virtue; and The Empress.

The Phoenix cycle is counter to the Buddhist belief of reincarnation. While the Phoenix goes through its immortal dance of rebirth with elegance & grace intact; the Buddhist doctrine of reincarnation is dictated by Karma and eventually has a finite cycle.