Matt texted me today wishing that I was holding him. I told him I missed him.

What I’m learning about Matt is that he doesn’t share his emotions all that well. He is totally cerebral and speaks from the head rather than the heart. For all his problem-solving talents, his lack of passion from the heart is something he needs to work on.

I was honest with him (albeit over text): I told him that I haven’t really dated anyone I really liked since over 8.5 years ago. I basically told him I don’t know how to engage him. How to maintain his attention. So I asked and he said that I should do nothing to maintain his attention. And so, I shall. As simple as it sounds. Again, I don’t think he hears me. I don’t think he understands the concept of feeding the fire. Absence does make the heart grow fonder only if you’re in a committed boyfriend-to-boyfriend relationship. And that we are not. We’re merely exclusively dating.

But the conundrum here is: dating of any kind is usually sustained by actual face-to-face interaction over the course of once or twice a week. There is a 4-week interlude between us! That doesn’t sound like dating at all. How can two people who are dating, not actually date for over 4 weeks?!?

That is what I’m trying to reconcile. Here are the facts:

• Matt lives in DC. I live in Seattle.
• We never have full on phone conversations.
• We text a lot. But his messages are always brief and cryptic.
• Work always comes first; so that always limits time together.
• If/When he’s in Seattle, it’s only for 3 days. Only nights are free to connect, but even that is always a longshot.
• When we do see each other, he only talks about work. He never wants to get to know about me unless I direct the conversation to personal life.
• It’s a win for him every time he sees me because of the sex.
• He’s always putting me at a distance when I ask him to stay over because he’s not used to sleeping over with anyone.
• When I speak from my heart – he puts on his problem-solving hat and attempts to analyze me, always resulting in him thinking I’m insecure.
• When I try to pull away, instead he pushes me away.
• He says he would be a bad boyfriend no matter what, so he can’t be my boyfriend.

For me, I have nothing to lose, but I have nothing to gain either. I do care about him. I think I can honestly say that I love him too, but he said that it will not go anywhere beyond dating. How do you think that makes me feel? The irony is that I want to invest more in him and give him attention, but that means going into a boyfriend level. Something he doesn’t want to do! He wants me to act like a boyfriend who can be confident and strong and committed, but I really can’t because I can’t really be that for him. He wants the best features of having a boyfriend without really having one in his life. Is that commitment phobic?

Or am I just a fucking Love Fool?!?!