Monthly Archives: March 2014

Season Finale

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A couple of television shows have recently ended their season. A few have even ended their series. I feel like I’m coming to my true season finale. 

After experiencing a season of heartbreak and heartache, Matt is able to move forward and reconnects with Randy. They are friends again, but something in Randy has changed. He still yearns and loves Matt, but it is now up to Matt to make the final commitment.

Meanwhile, back at home, Randy’s best buddy, Cliff has decided to move away to another country with his partner. This time for good. He’s known Cliff for almost 15 years now and Randy realizes this will be a huge shift for him. Along with that, Randy’s other friends are all pairing up – leaving him as the sole “single person.” What’s surprising to Randy is that his new friend, Andy, has also gotten in a relationship. Randy didn’t realize how much it actually hurt because he knew that Andy genuinely cared for him. 

Randy’s gal pal, Mary, is also refocusing her energy and is at risk of losing her job and moving on. He tries to be there for her as supportive as possible, but Mary is in turmoil.

Karen continues to provide wisdom and support despite all these changes in Randy’s life. He finds himself becoming a recluse – ignoring the party invitations as he starts to disengage. On top of that, a new career opportunity presents itself to him. Something very high profile with a higher salary. If he decides to move forward with it, it will forever alter his career path, closing doors and opportunities that are currently there.

Randy is at a crossroad in his life. Does he make that move? Does he stay in Seattle? Will he get the man of his dreams back? Will he be forever single? What new characters will appear next season? Does Randy find love again? 

Cut to the final scene: Randy is waiting at the airport terminal. Alone. In his hand is his boarding pass and passport. He’s about to travel to parts unknown. He picks up his mobile phone, turns on Facebook and checks-in at the airport. His status update to his friends: “Round and round he goes; where he stops – nobody knows….” The voice over the loudspeaker announces that its time to board the plane. He puts his phone in his pocket and boards the plane.

The season has ended; and a new one begins. Much sooner than you think!

Black

“The song is about letting go,” said Vedder. “It’s very rare for a relationship to withstand the Earth’s gravitational pull and where it’s going to take people and how they’re going to grow. I’ve heard it said that you can’t really have a true love unless it was a love unrequited. It’s a harsh one, because then your truest one is the one you can’t have forever.”

Everything is temporary; Nothing is permanent.

Everything is temporary; Nothing is permanent.

In Tibetan Buddhism, a mandala is an imaginary palace that’s contemplated during meditation. On the outer level they represent the world in its divine form; on the inner level, they represent a map by which the ordinary human mind is transformed into the enlightened mind; and on the secret level, they predict the primordially perfect balance of the subtle energies of the body and the clear light dimension of the mind.

Reunited

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It was Thursday after 5:00 pm when I received his text.

I was still in the office finishing some last minute projects prior to my departure the next morning. It was unexpected and surprising. “How are you?”

I felt the numbness that comes when you receive a message when you least expect it. It was a surreal moment and at the same time welcoming. I did not even allow myself the opportunity to imagine this day, this moment. No. I had accepted his silence and decision to disengage. I had made peace with him leaving my life. I could not see a future where he would return. 

“Were you really going to leave DC without even texting a hello?”

I respected his decisions. I thought he didn’t want to be in touch anymore.

“I think I would value having you in my life as a friend very highly.”

We agreed to meet at 8:00 pm at my hotel. The anticipation had begun. After an early evening meet-up at a restaurant with a colleague, I quickly returned to my hotel room to freshen up. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought how old I looked. I also saw how unpresentable I was. It was a long week and I had no plans of seeing him ever again. The bags under my eyes seemed so pronounced.

He would be here in 5 minutes.

I changed my shirt and sweater. I was happier in this outfit. (And warmer too!) I took a deep breath and told myself I could do this. He just wants to reconnect…for friendship. I proceeded down the elevator and found the couch in the lobby that faced everyone. The next few minutes felt like a million years. I sat down on the couch and unbuttoned the bottom button of my coat. I pulled out my iPhone and began to read my Twitter feed.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him. It had been over a month since we last saw each other. Even longer since we last spoke…since I last held him in my arms. I stood fast and noticed how quickly he was moving towards me. I moved even quicker. 

Time stood still. Everything around us just stopped. I held him close; he held me closer still. Oh my God. How I missed him so. I held him again. I didn’t care who was watching us. He held me tightly as well. I could feel myself in his strong embrace. I felt his chest breath against mine. I didn’t want this moment to end.

We walked briskly to the restaurant. Catching up on the past several weeks. I was reminded of a visit last November where he and I walked to another restaurant. I held his hand in mine and I was so tempted to hold his hand again, but he just wants to be friends, right? 

We sat at the bar and ordered our drinks. The food came out soon afterwards. We talked about work; we talked about dating. The question did gnaw at me and so I asked him: “Why now? Why after all this time have you decided to reach out to me?” He told me that he was finally ready to be my friend. That he has learned to let go of a lot of stuff over the past several weeks. I told him that it suited him. I wasn’t ready to give in yet. I had my wall up and didn’t open up as easily as he did. I wanted to be sure there was no coldness, no uncaring, no traps for me to fall into. 

The dinner ended and we proceeded outdoors. I wanted to give him the choice. I didn’t want to be the desperate Ex-lover who wanted him badly. No, I gave him the choice.

“So, do you have to go home now? Do want to go home now? Or do you want to hang out?”

He told me that he really should go back home. He was tired and needed rest. At that moment, my heart dropped and felt the moment slipping away. But something in him paused. He wanted to see me. So instead, we headed back to my hotel room.

I turned the TV on in the room and proceeded to put my jacket in the closet. He had already made himself comfortable. I smiled at him. I sat on the bed next to him. There was a space between us, but that lasted only seconds when I said: “Come here.”

This is what I was craving the most. Him next to me. Near me. Pressed up against me. His head on my chest. I smelled his hair and kissed his forehead. He was mine again and I was his. I held him close. “Are you okay with this?”, he asked. “Yes,” I said. With all my heart, YES.

We kissed and I held him close. His familiar touch, his familiar scent, his familiar taste… We were together again. At that moment, I realized that my vision of the Jellyfish had come true. I was frightened and humbled at what the Goddess had given me. 

Oh Matt, how I’ve missed you so much.

Appendix: Aphrodite

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In Greek mythology, Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty and sexual passion. She was born when Uranus was castrated by his son Cronus, his severed genitals thrown into the ocean began to churn and foam about them. From the aphros (“sea foam”) arose Aphrodite, and the sea carried her to the Isle of Cyprus.

After her birth, Zeus feared that the gods would fight over Aphrodite’s hand in marriage so he married her off to Hephaestus, god of fire. She loved gaiety and glamour and was not at all pleased at being the wife of the smithy Hephaestus. He forged an embroidered girdle for her called Cestus, which had the power of inspiring love. Aphrodite loved and was loved by many gods and mortals. Among her mortal lovers, the most famous was Adonis. Some of her sons are Eros, Anteros, Humenaios and Aeneas. Her favorite birds were swans and doves, and the rose and myrtle were sacred to her.

Ancient mythology furnishes numerous instances in which Aphrodite punished those who neglected her worship or despised her power, as well as others in which she favoured and protected those who did homage to her and recognized her sway. Love and beauty are ideas essentially connected, and Aphrodite was therefore also the goddess of beauty and gracefulness. In these points she surpassed all other goddesses, and she received the prize of beauty from Paris; she had further the power of granting beauty and invincible charms to others.

Her festival is the Aphrodisiac which was celebrated in various centers of Greece and especially in Athens and Corinth. Her priestesses were not prostitutes but women who represented the goddess and sexual intercourse with them was considered just one of the methods of worship.

The most detailed information on Aphrodite may be found here: http://www.theoi.com/Olympios/Aphrodite.html