It was Thursday after 5:00 pm when I received his text.

I was still in the office finishing some last minute projects prior to my departure the next morning. It was unexpected and surprising. “How are you?”

I felt the numbness that comes when you receive a message when you least expect it. It was a surreal moment and at the same time welcoming. I did not even allow myself the opportunity to imagine this day, this moment. No. I had accepted his silence and decision to disengage. I had made peace with him leaving my life. I could not see a future where he would return. 

“Were you really going to leave DC without even texting a hello?”

I respected his decisions. I thought he didn’t want to be in touch anymore.

“I think I would value having you in my life as a friend very highly.”

We agreed to meet at 8:00 pm at my hotel. The anticipation had begun. After an early evening meet-up at a restaurant with a colleague, I quickly returned to my hotel room to freshen up. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought how old I looked. I also saw how unpresentable I was. It was a long week and I had no plans of seeing him ever again. The bags under my eyes seemed so pronounced.

He would be here in 5 minutes.

I changed my shirt and sweater. I was happier in this outfit. (And warmer too!) I took a deep breath and told myself I could do this. He just wants to reconnect…for friendship. I proceeded down the elevator and found the couch in the lobby that faced everyone. The next few minutes felt like a million years. I sat down on the couch and unbuttoned the bottom button of my coat. I pulled out my iPhone and began to read my Twitter feed.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him. It had been over a month since we last saw each other. Even longer since we last spoke…since I last held him in my arms. I stood fast and noticed how quickly he was moving towards me. I moved even quicker. 

Time stood still. Everything around us just stopped. I held him close; he held me closer still. Oh my God. How I missed him so. I held him again. I didn’t care who was watching us. He held me tightly as well. I could feel myself in his strong embrace. I felt his chest breath against mine. I didn’t want this moment to end.

We walked briskly to the restaurant. Catching up on the past several weeks. I was reminded of a visit last November where he and I walked to another restaurant. I held his hand in mine and I was so tempted to hold his hand again, but he just wants to be friends, right? 

We sat at the bar and ordered our drinks. The food came out soon afterwards. We talked about work; we talked about dating. The question did gnaw at me and so I asked him: “Why now? Why after all this time have you decided to reach out to me?” He told me that he was finally ready to be my friend. That he has learned to let go of a lot of stuff over the past several weeks. I told him that it suited him. I wasn’t ready to give in yet. I had my wall up and didn’t open up as easily as he did. I wanted to be sure there was no coldness, no uncaring, no traps for me to fall into. 

The dinner ended and we proceeded outdoors. I wanted to give him the choice. I didn’t want to be the desperate Ex-lover who wanted him badly. No, I gave him the choice.

“So, do you have to go home now? Do want to go home now? Or do you want to hang out?”

He told me that he really should go back home. He was tired and needed rest. At that moment, my heart dropped and felt the moment slipping away. But something in him paused. He wanted to see me. So instead, we headed back to my hotel room.

I turned the TV on in the room and proceeded to put my jacket in the closet. He had already made himself comfortable. I smiled at him. I sat on the bed next to him. There was a space between us, but that lasted only seconds when I said: “Come here.”

This is what I was craving the most. Him next to me. Near me. Pressed up against me. His head on my chest. I smelled his hair and kissed his forehead. He was mine again and I was his. I held him close. “Are you okay with this?”, he asked. “Yes,” I said. With all my heart, YES.

We kissed and I held him close. His familiar touch, his familiar scent, his familiar taste… We were together again. At that moment, I realized that my vision of the Jellyfish had come true. I was frightened and humbled at what the Goddess had given me. 

Oh Matt, how I’ve missed you so much.