Author Archives: HeIsRandy

Hook-Up Guy #5

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Stats:

  • Where did we meet: Grindr
  • Age: 26
  • Height: 5’10”
  • Weight: 138 lbs
  • Ethnicity: White guy, dirty blonde
  • Position: Top
  • Penis Size: 7″
  • Best quality: Body and cock

He told me his name was “Tom” but I highly doubt that. This was a straight guy with a girlfriend who was really nervous to meet, but I could tell he was super horny. Being discreet was extremely important to him. He works for a non-profit supposedly. Really handsome and sexy guy. Very fit. Very tight body. Beautiful abs and a gorgeous cock.

To this day, I still crave him and would love to hook-up again. The one cool thing I remembered was that he wanted to undress me slowly and so I let him. I could tell he was very into me and got immediately aroused. This session was definitely a quickie. He couldn’t hold on too long at all. This is a noticeable trait for a “straight” guy. It’s so hot and exciting for them that they last 10-15 minutes top.

I was in a rush anyway, so I was happy he came pretty quick.

Yep, I still wonder about “Tom” and his wonderful cock. Sigh.

Appendix: Ouroboros

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The Ouroboros has been a symbol of the eternal cycle, constantly beginning and ending, representing the perpetual cycle of renewal. Similar to the Phoenix, it represents life, death and rebirth. It’s an ancient symbol representing a serpent or a dragon eating it’s own tail. Text have described the Ouroboros to also be the mathematical representation of Infinity.

Images of the Ouroboros can be seen throughout history:

  • Ancient Egypt
  • Greece
  • Middle East
  • India
  • China
  • Japan
  • South America
  • Native American culture

Humanity is drawn to the elegance of eternal rebirth. There is something alluring about a continual cycle that is never-ending and eternal. Perhaps it represents a taste of Immortality; or more simply the possibility of Second Chances.

We are flawed and prone to making mistakes in life. The Ouroboros represents the knowledge that one cycle will end, and a new one begins with new possibilities. In a way, The Ouroboros goes beyond the cycle. There is a spiritual Hope in its symbolism.

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Dear John

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It’s Independence Day weekend and what a better way to feel more independent than to express my Freedom. Freedom from the past; Freedom from my self-doubt; Freedom from my Ghosts. And so I write this letter to my Ex as a way to release myself and move into Forgiveness and Freedom.

I don’t really know where to begin.

I know that we’ve spent over 8 years together building our lives, our future, our hopes and dreams. Your alcoholism is a permanent curse that cannot be lifted. I was stupid for thinking that I could try to change you. I was an idiot to think I could just Love and Learn and Understand you. To be patient with you and accept you for what you are. But I was wrong.

You are and will forever be an addict. Incurable. To live an exhausting existence. I’ve told you before that if we broke up, you could only have a healthy relationship with another addict. In my heart, I know that is the truth. The irony of the blind leading the blind, I suppose.

What you did to me over the last several years of our relationship wasn’t fair to me. I did my best, and yet, you took advantage of me. I made so many compromises to support you in your career, in your dreams. And yet, you did so little to support mine.

I have invested so much time and energy into our relationship that I forgot what it was like to sustain my own personal dreams. But that’s what I do. I take care of others before I take care of myself. It’s my flaw.

I am so angry at you for ruining our relationship. You blame me for not loving you the way you wanted me to. You blame me for not being intimate with you. You blame me for the poor choices that you’ve made. Instead of confronting me and being honest, you chose deceit and cheated on me for God knows how many times.

You finally chose to come clean at the most inopportune time. You ruined my Thanksgiving holiday, Christmas holiday, New Year’s Eve/Day, and my most monumental of birthdays. When I needed you most, you turned your back and put all the energy into your family. I knew at that moment I wasn’t your family. I knew I was alone.

I know that it still hurts for me when I see you. You are a reminder of what once was. But I don’t want you to have any more power over me. What you did was unforgivable – but I have to forgive you. It’s not fair for my heart. The love I have is deserving of another. You are not worthy. My heart was broken. It still aches every now and then when something reminds me of our former relationship. I think that will be the case moving forward, but the hurting won’t be so bad over time.

I feel sorry for you and your distorted perspective. Buddhism dictates that we must learn the lessons in our lifetime; lest we get reincarnated into another lifetime until we accept those lessons. I know that I have done the work to learn from this experience, but I don’t think you’ll ever learn in this lifetime.

I am angry at you, but I forgive you. You fucked up my life, but it’s only temporary. What I’ve proven to myself is that I’m strong and that I’m a survivor. My road to recovery is a short one – yours is for the rest of your existence.

I have such joy and love to share with world. It’s such a waste to just keep it all inside me. You hurt me, but I will heal. You destroyed my life, but I will rebuild. You betrayed me, but I will live in truth. I know life isn’t meant to be fair, but we should at least treat each other with compassion.

As painful as it is to write this, I forgive you. I forgive you with all my heart. We were never meant to be. I forgive you.

Good-bye,

Randy

The Butterfly Dream by Zhuangzi

Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was [me]. Soon I awoke, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly; or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man…

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Hook-Up Guy #4

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One weekend I decided to respond to an ad on Craigslist. Married White Male, alone for the weekend, wife was away on travel. He seemed nice via e-mail, but was your typical “straight/married” guy who wouldn’t send photos for fear of getting caught.

So, I went over to his house in Lower Queen Anne, near Kerry Park. The house was a gorgeous home with a beautifully landscaped yard. He had a rather large dog which was overly friendly and wanted to play with me.

Stats:

  • Where did we meet: Craigslist
  • Age: 40 (but looked way older)
  • Height: 6′
  • Weight: 185 lbs
  • Ethnicity: White guy, light blonde (or grey)
  • Position: Top
  • Penis Size: 6″
  • Best quality: Gentleman qualities

What freaked me out a bit was that he said he had a furnished basement and he lured me down there. Stupid, I know. But when hormones overwhelm you, all rational judgment gets locked away. In retrospect, he could have been a serial killer and I could have easily ended up on the evening news.

But fortunate for me, he was just a horny married man who wanted to fool around with a guy before his wife came home.

And so, fool around we did. From what I recall, he had a decent body, but he definitely was older than what he was describing on his personal ad. This turned me off big time. There comes a point in a man’s life when you can no longer pass for a certain age. My time will come; your time will come; and his time came and went.

He looked 10 years older than the age he was describing himself as. But this was a “rare” married guy wanting to get off – so for the interest of all gay men – I made sure to give him the best experience possible that his wife couldn’t give him.

When all was said and done. I thanked him and went my merry way.

The funny thing is that married men having gay sex is not actually a rare thing. It happens quite often, more so now that gay culture is so widely accepted. This guy was an executive with some free time on his hands. He probably has two kids that he’s raising on top of all this.

You’re probably telling yourself: a married guy with kids having gay sex has got to be gay. Well… yes and no. The difference with a married guy having sex with a guy and a gay guy having sex with a guy most often has to do with the heart. The married guy was just probably going through the physical act without caring about who I was. It was the lust, libido and the heat of the moment driving him. For a gay guy, there is all that, plus a tiny connection/attraction to the guy they are having sex with. For convenience sake, I will describe this as a “heart connection”. Even though its tiny and insignificant for some, the connection is there. It’s what draws you to that hot guy in the first place.

This married guy’s heart connection is most likely with his wife. He had none with me. So, no matter how many times he’s hooked up with men; his wife, ironically, still has his heart. Is it still cheating? Hell, yes. But that’s not my problem.

I’m just here to get off.

C.J.

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ImageI met C.J. while browsing Grindr. I convinced him to meet me after work and he agreed. Well, actually, he agreed after he got himself drunk after Happy Hour with his friends/co-workers.

C.J. and I immediately hit it off. It was a definite rarity for me to click so quickly with a guy. Perhaps I was horny, perhaps he was drunk, perhaps it was a combination of both – whatever it was, we hit it off big time.

Sexually, the passion and intensity was potent. I’m not sure if we’re 100% sexually compatible, but the mutual attraction was enough to send sparks flying. He disclosed he was a “bottom” which not a surprise for me.

On that first encounter, we woke up several times and had sex about 5 times over the span of 6 hours! Not bad at all!

Stats:

  • Where did we meet: Grindr
  • Age: 29
  • Height: 5’7″
  • Weight: 136 lbs
  • Ethnicity: White guy, dark brown hair and brown eyes.
  • Position: Bottom
  • Penis Size: 5″
  • Best quality: Personality; Cute Looks (reminds me of Daniel Radcliffe); Stylish dresser; smart

C.J. and I have had encounters several times over the past few months. What I appreciate most is that our friendship continues to grow. However, I realized in May that this is a relationship that can only stay in friendship. I don’t think we can be friends with benefits any more. I feel that it’s not fair for him (or I) to be in a long distance relationship. I’ve since encouraged him to meet guys and go on dates. I know that he likes me and he knows that I like him. Unfortunately, we aren’t in the same space for a relationship to develop. I still want to make friends and meet people – I think he’s more prepared to start a longer term relationship.

He’s been single for almost 2 years and he knows what he wants. I’m still trying to get there.

I think this is another one that will find his soulmate very soon. It’s funny how I’ve met a couple of really great guys that I least expected to meet. The good news is that I hope they remain my friends for years to come. Maybe my role is to help nudge them in the direction and path of their next chapter. Butterfly effect and all.

C.J. was supposed to meet me and I was supposed to meet him. The added coolness factor is he passed my “dog test” and my dog adores him. How rare is that!?

C.J. is such a cutie and I know he’ll find someone perfect. Did I mention how much he looks like Harry Potter?!?! Adorable.