Escape.

On the verge of complete and total burn out, so I decided to take a day trip to San Diego. The excursion was three-fold: 1) to get a dose of Vitamin D; 2) to try and hit my airline MVP Gold status; and 3) to try and clear my head. I think I accomplished #1 and #3. I have yet to find out if I hit #2.

The sunny weather did help my mood. I was a stranger in a not-so-strange land. There’s something therapeutic and cathartic being alone in a city who doesn’t know you. You’re free to explore the native land without having to run into people you know. It’s absolute solace at times. I walked around the downtown area for about 5+ miles and just meandered down the various streets.

I had lunch at Cafe 21, followed by amaretto & hazelnut gelato at the Chocolat Cremerie. I strangely found myself at the Banana Republic and purchased a pair of winter gloves at 50% off. (They were very cute gloves.)

I worked for a bit, responding to e-mails. But for the most part, I found myself peeling away my own onion. The layers were many, but I finally let it all go. I have a single fear driving me: The fear of being alone.

The reality is that I’m not alone. I have people around me who love and care for me. I need to start putting things in motion where I can have them over – opening up that void I’ve kept closed for a year now. I was…am dynamic. There’s a magnetism about me that I’ve denied my friends and family now for quite some time. My heart maybe heavy, but I know that’s all part of the deal.

To love, is to run the risk of feeling pain. I will probably get hurt again, but such is life!

One funny thing to note is that in the hotel I was staying in, I was awoken to the sound of lovemaking (fucking) by my neighbors. It was after 2:00 am. I’m guessing they just returned from the night out. It could have been a random hook-up for all I know, but she was very vocal to him. He must’ve been good. Or he must’ve paid her well. 🙂

It’s amazing what a day of Vitamin D can do to you. I highly recommend that if you need to clear your head. For the most part: Mission Accomplished. I’ve achieved #clarity.