I have been in the midst of a work conference for the past 2 weeks. It’s been consuming all of my free time and so I haven’t been able to feed my blog.

Over the past several days, I’ve been in the midst of a psycho-emotional disconnect. I’ve been a tad more abrasive to people and blame it on my single-ness. I speculate that I’ve been irritable because I’ve not had any intimacy for awhile now.

I’m not speaking about sex. (I’ve had sex in the last 3-4 weeks, so that’s gotta count!) No, I’m speaking about the connections we make with someone and the moment in time where we inhabit the same space, the same energy, and the same vibration of the cosmos. It’s the moment where you’re watching television with that special someone and you move closer to them to get more comfortable.

The moment when you’re in bed with them and you wake up in the middle of the night and turn to your side and feel that sense of peace when your know they’re right next to you. When you’re shopping at the mall and they’re shopping with you and you are trying to find that right shirt and they’re there to give you feedback on the colors. Or that moment, you’re watching a movie at the theatre and you get scared by a particular scene and your hand finds his in the dark and you grasp on for all your life.

It’s all those things… I’ve been surrounded by happy couples, people I know or strangers on the street, I think Seattle’s warmer weather is just bringing them all out, but they have all been serving as a reminder of something missing in my life.

And my heart aches just a little bit each time.

Sex is so easy to get. So quick, so immediate, so superficial. The release is purely biological, but my soul craves so much more than sex. I crave that warmth, the connection, the bond that you can share with a loved one.

The crave, the yearning, is becoming so intense I’m starting to lose sight of what I truly want. This is what happens to lonely people: they immediately latch on to the first guy that they can connect with. Taking a chance, a quick chance, with someone who may not be suitable for them in the long run.

So, what do I do?

Eventually, the torture of seeing others’ intimacy will probably numb me. I think I have to just ride this out for now. I don’t know how long it will last. I. Crave. Intimacy.