Tag Archives: depression

The Wounds Are Still Raw

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My heart is still aching from the events of the week. I am still quite fragile.

I am depressed, but I think I’m moving towards recovery. When I think about Him, my heart drops and a gentle sigh comes out. I had high hopes for the both of us. Sent a lot of positive energy into the relationship so things could work.

Little did I know he would feel so much pressure. Under Pressure.

I can’t cry anymore, but I want to. I’m exhausted and drained.

I want to run away… I almost did, but I chose not to. I chose to stay to confront my demon(s). I chose to stay because of Hope. I chose to stay because All Will Be Well. 

My Life in Chamomile

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I am depressed. Loss of appetite and heartbroken. I know that this will pass, but I hate the time that it takes to pass in-between. I have honestly thought of killing myself this week. Not for Matt, not for my Ex, not for my mom. No, more selfish than that, i wanted to kill myself for me alone.

I even imagined and planned how I would do it. Step 1, buy a bottle of sleeping pills. Step 2, make sure my Ex is watching the dog. Step 3, keep my front door unlocked for easy access. Step 4, post a cryptic Tweet. Step 5, clean up my office. Step 6, take a shower and dress up beautifully. Step 7, take the pills in the morning after acupuncture. Step 8, position myself correctly on my yoga mat and go to sleep.

I don’t know how long it would take but I don’t know what would happen afterwards. I probably won’t be discovered for three days. Which would be gross. But oh well.

All I know is that I’m really tired. I’m exhausted. Tired if being alone, tired of being lonely. Tired of this existence.

But still, I continue on. Why? I have no idea.

Maybe the Universe has other plans for me…