A Vlogger’s view on Grindr and gay dating apps. Cute guy too!
Tag Archives: Grindr
Recluse
After an exhausting 2+ week conference (and prep), I feel like disconnecting. I’ve noticed that I’ve become more of a recluse the past couple weeks on my free time. I don’t feel like socializing with anyone at all.
At the same time, I’ve noticed that my dog is exhibiting the same behaviours. We have both become reclusive creatures. I need to do something about that.
On top of all of this, I realize that I don’t know how to “meet” anyone anymore. I am tired of the bar scene and have eliminated that option altogether. I’m getting tired of Grindr because of the same people online, plus I don’t think anyone is really into me here in Seattle. Craigslist is only good for one night stands. Match.Com is horrible at finding good matches. People at work are all taken. SIGH.
My friend CJ recently posted this article on Facebook: http://www.yourtango.com/2013188018/love-analysis-paralysis-digital-age
I describe this as “The Grindr Effect”. You can select, filter, search, and message a person instantly – based on specific preferences. There is no room for variance anymore. Specificity has become a curse in this day and age of online relationships. There’s no room for error. As a result: a really great guy with amazing potential is often passed up based on the >5% standard deviation of one’s target person. This is a bit depressing.
So what to do?
You disconnect and become disgusted with how people are so finicky about guys. One becomes a recluse to focus on other things in life. At least for the time being…
Chris D
I forget who said “Hi” to who first, but it was back in May when I met Chris D. Yes, it was during one of my random Grindr browsing. I noticed that he was within 200 feet of me and so I suspected he was a neighbor. And i was correct!
Our first “meeting” was for coffee at the Starbucks down the street from the apartment complex. He suggested it first and so I thought – this would be cool to meet a new friend who is also a neighbor. We met down in the lobby and the first thing I noticed was how tall he was. I think his profile said 6’1″. Damn. But besides that he was definitely quite adorable!
A recent transplant from Washington, D.C., we soon hit it off chatting about his former home. For work, let me just describe him as a Director for IT systems and management. Brilliant guy. I immediately detected the “geek” streak that I’m so drawn to. That first coffee meeting was awesome! He was a gentleman and very cool. I asked a few minor probing questions about his former relationships and found out he was single too.
Fast forward to July. Chris D and I have hung out several times, going to restaurants, a couple of bars, having brunch and even watching the 4th of July fireworks together. I’ve known him for almost 3 months and yet, I still don’t really know him. I’m a little nervous to ask him about the more personal questions in life. I appreciate his friendship and feel that I don’t want to ruin anything by having a serious tone of conversation.
I could see him definitely being my type. He is my type. But I’m so wary right now. (See entry on “Vulnerability”) He’s kissed me a few times as what I describe as a “European” good-bye. But then again, my therapist did point out: How many good friends do I normally kiss good-bye?
My radar tells me I’m not his type and that I am just a good friend for him. If he were to ask me out for something more serious, I would definitely consider. For now, I think I’m just going to lay low and continue my hunt elsewhere.
Hook-Up Guy #5
Stats:
- Where did we meet: Grindr
- Age: 26
- Height: 5’10”
- Weight: 138 lbs
- Ethnicity: White guy, dirty blonde
- Position: Top
- Penis Size: 7″
- Best quality: Body and cock
He told me his name was “Tom” but I highly doubt that. This was a straight guy with a girlfriend who was really nervous to meet, but I could tell he was super horny. Being discreet was extremely important to him. He works for a non-profit supposedly. Really handsome and sexy guy. Very fit. Very tight body. Beautiful abs and a gorgeous cock.
To this day, I still crave him and would love to hook-up again. The one cool thing I remembered was that he wanted to undress me slowly and so I let him. I could tell he was very into me and got immediately aroused. This session was definitely a quickie. He couldn’t hold on too long at all. This is a noticeable trait for a “straight” guy. It’s so hot and exciting for them that they last 10-15 minutes top.
I was in a rush anyway, so I was happy he came pretty quick.
Yep, I still wonder about “Tom” and his wonderful cock. Sigh.
C.J.
I met C.J. while browsing Grindr. I convinced him to meet me after work and he agreed. Well, actually, he agreed after he got himself drunk after Happy Hour with his friends/co-workers.
C.J. and I immediately hit it off. It was a definite rarity for me to click so quickly with a guy. Perhaps I was horny, perhaps he was drunk, perhaps it was a combination of both – whatever it was, we hit it off big time.
Sexually, the passion and intensity was potent. I’m not sure if we’re 100% sexually compatible, but the mutual attraction was enough to send sparks flying. He disclosed he was a “bottom” which not a surprise for me.
On that first encounter, we woke up several times and had sex about 5 times over the span of 6 hours! Not bad at all!
Stats:
- Where did we meet: Grindr
- Age: 29
- Height: 5’7″
- Weight: 136 lbs
- Ethnicity: White guy, dark brown hair and brown eyes.
- Position: Bottom
- Penis Size: 5″
- Best quality: Personality; Cute Looks (reminds me of Daniel Radcliffe); Stylish dresser; smart
C.J. and I have had encounters several times over the past few months. What I appreciate most is that our friendship continues to grow. However, I realized in May that this is a relationship that can only stay in friendship. I don’t think we can be friends with benefits any more. I feel that it’s not fair for him (or I) to be in a long distance relationship. I’ve since encouraged him to meet guys and go on dates. I know that he likes me and he knows that I like him. Unfortunately, we aren’t in the same space for a relationship to develop. I still want to make friends and meet people – I think he’s more prepared to start a longer term relationship.
He’s been single for almost 2 years and he knows what he wants. I’m still trying to get there.
I think this is another one that will find his soulmate very soon. It’s funny how I’ve met a couple of really great guys that I least expected to meet. The good news is that I hope they remain my friends for years to come. Maybe my role is to help nudge them in the direction and path of their next chapter. Butterfly effect and all.
C.J. was supposed to meet me and I was supposed to meet him. The added coolness factor is he passed my “dog test” and my dog adores him. How rare is that!?
C.J. is such a cutie and I know he’ll find someone perfect. Did I mention how much he looks like Harry Potter?!?! Adorable.
Hook-Up Guy #3
Back in February, I did a crazy thing. At least it was more libido-driven rather than using my rational mind…
So, I fired up my Grindr around 6:00 pm in the evening and connected with a young guy named Ryan who was visiting Seattle. He was busy celebrating his “birthday” and so was getting the evening started with friends. He said that he would text me later to see if I was free to hook-up. I told him that was fine, but that I had a flight to get ready for at 5:00 am that next morning.
Around 1:30 am, I receive a text from him and he wanted to hook-up with me. He was staying with his friend in Belltown, only about 5-10 minutes away. So, in a half-asleep/half-horny state, I invited him over.
Stats:
- Where did we meet: Grindr
- Age: 19
- Height: 5’10”
- Weight: 138 lbs
- Ethnicity: White guy, dark brown hair and brown eyes.
- Position: Bottom mostly, I think.
- Penis Size: 6.5″
- Best quality: He wore glasses and resembled a cute Geek.
He arrived after 2:15 am and we sorta hit it off. We started making out on my couch when suddenly he turns to me and says: “I need to pee.” So, I excused him and he went to the bathroom to do his business. A moment later, we were at it again, making out on my couch. About 5 minutes later, he told me that he had to pee again. So off he went to pee in the bathroom. Now I was fully awake and getting irritable. Ryan was obviously drunk and wasted – and quickly becoming a HUGE turn-off for me. We continued making out and he kept passing out. I sighed and got him off to quickly end the whole thing. He turned to me and asked me if I wanted to get off. I said “Nope.”
He proceeded to get comfortable and was about to fall asleep. Severely irritated, I never let anyone sleep over, let alone a one night stand. SO, I woke him up and told him that he had to go. He looked at me and frowned. I could tell he was obviously tired, but I wanted him the fuck out of my apartment. I told him that I’d call him a cab and he was happy about that. Unfortunately, I only had $2 in my wallet for cab fare. I gave him the $2 and sent him on his merry way.
By then it was close to 3:45 am in the morning. Lessons learned here was: Don’t get tempted with twink meat no matter how horny you are. The folly of youth is only going to make you realize how old you are and how you can no longer tolerate stupidity. Ryan was a $2 whore who didn’t even make me come.
Clarity
I finally hit my moment of clarity after over 6 months of analysis and contemplation. I give credit to Ayanna. We had lunch today at Japonessa and it was like old times. We’re officially caught up and up-to-speed on the trial and tribulations of our lives. Gotta love those 3.5 hour lunch dates – tears, laughter and all!
I’m going to make a conscious effort to stop feeling sorry for myself. I will give myself permission to cry when I want to, but I won’t feel sorry for myself anymore. It’s okay to feel sad once in awhile, but I will turn to the joy of life and revel in it. Life is too short to waste on misery and despair.
So, I’d like to thank my best friend and fag hag, Ayanna, for snapping me out of it.
The temperature is hot here in Seattle. The Sun is providing the Vitamin D I need to celebrate Pride this weekend. Although I’m alone, I’m going to celebrate my singleness. So, I’ve decided to fire up my Grindr once more.
I just updated my profile and photo and will take a look at it in about an hour. I wanna see who’s around. My therapist says I’m an attractive, intelligent, and amazing guy. I need to share myself with the world for all to see. I’m much better now than I have been the last few years. I am free.
I now need to be carefree. This is where I was 9 years ago and this is where I will be again. I can’t worry about what people think. I think this is the lesson I am learning.
Hook-Up Guy #2
Hook-Up Guy #2 was named Joey.
I should have known by his awkward dialogue that this would only be a one-time hook-up. We had lunch in a nearby food court and he seemed nice at first. But that was only temporary.
Stats:
- Where did we meet: Grindr
- Age: 41
- Height: 6′
- Weight: 180 lbs
- Hair Color: Black
- Position: Unknown, I would guess that he’s a top
- Penis Size: 10″
- Best quality: He likes Comic Books
His ethnic background was Middle Eastern or Greek. I’m generally only attracted to White men, but I’ve had attraction towards other cultures. My Ex was a Latino hybrid and in High School I was attracted to Asian me. Tastes evolve, that I’m sure of. So, I decided to expand my cuisine into Middle Eastern men.
He was certainly a handsome man, but his personality absolutely soured his physique. The first thing I noticed was he “complained” about things and generally had a negative temperament towards life. I should have ended it there, but I was thinking maybe he was just nervous and that things would change if i got to know him better.
So, I invited him over.
We chatted and I realized that I wasn’t interested at all. But he made his move on me and let’s just say I’m only human and let my libido get a hold of me. I didn’t let it progress beyond mutual handling of equipment. At the end, I don’t think he got my message.
Note to self: I need to be more explicit about my intentions as to whether or not I’m interested in the guy or not.
What turned me off even more was that he continued to text me over the course of 6 weeks. On and off, desperately wanting to see me again. I, of course, handled the situation maturely by ignoring him entirely. There have been a few instances where he’s changed his Grindr profile and accidentally tricked me into saying “Hi” to him.
I think that eventually he finally got the message. He’s probably found the man of his dreams by now. At least I can be hopeful for someone else.
Matt
Matt was the first guy I met A.B. (After Break-up). We met on Grindr (See Appendix: Grindr) by luck. I had not fired up Grindr for weeks in Seattle and out of pure boredom I finally did. The irony is Matt is also a heavy business traveler, so our paths would’ve rarely crossed on Grindr.
The dialogue between Matt and I was of an extremely friendly tone. I think we hit it off pretty well online. I thought he had a pretty cute Grindr photo (which he disclosed to me was about 2+ years old – another quirk of Grindr users, using old photos) and I’m guessing he thought the same of mine. We continued our chats via text messaging and decided to meet up for dinner.
He suggested that we have dinner at the new Indian restaurant, Shanik. (Little did I know that this was foreshadowing to the flavors he preferred in men.) I met him at the restaurant and must note that he arrived about 20 minutes late (normally, I would flag this, but let it slide… little did I know that this was another consistent theme for him in future meet-ups.)
My initial reaction of Matt was: cute guy and extremely intelligent. What a breath of fresh air! Matt works in academic healthcare as a consultant; hence his busy travel schedule. We started out with drinks at the bar and finally was seated for dinner. What I really enjoyed about the evening was his conversation. Chatting with Matt came naturally and he was able to navigate my quirkiness and random side notes. I appreciate that about a guy when they’re able to adapt to my conversation style and able to counter it with similar stride.
At the end of dinner, we hugged and promised to connect again at a later date. That was back in January and now its been over six months and we’re still friends. We’ve hooked up a few times and he’s helped me settle into my new apartment. I honestly must say that I could not have settled in so well without his warmth and his generosity. He accompanies me to my season subscription of ballet (he calls himself my “ballet slut”). It never ceases to amaze me on how well our conversations go every single time! However, I have not let it progress to anything more than friendship. I enjoy Matt a lot: he’s cute, he’s smart, he’s talented and such a great catch! But I finally disclosed to him that I wasn’t ready to date anyone. I am only into making friends at the moment.
So, it was all me. Needless to say, Matt has continued to meet guys (on Grindr) and I believe he is currently dating a great guy who has won his heart. It’s just like that saying: “You snooze; you lose.” I hope that his friendship continues to be a part of my life.
STATS:
- Where did we meet: Grindr
- Age: 42
- Height: 5’9″
- Weight: 170 lbs
- Hair Color: Blondish/Light Brown
- Position: Top (primarily)
- Penis Size: 6″
- Best quality: Intellect and conversation
Matt is an awesome guy! Who ever settles with him will be a very lucky man. It’s always fun hanging out with him and need I mention that he’s a culinary expert! He has a very discriminating taste which I appreciate.
Appendix: Grindr
If you aren’t familiar with it, Grindr has been the “love it or hate it” hook-up mobile device app for the gay community over the past few years. Just fire up your iPhone and instantaneously find another gay man within 100 feet of you! Instant gratification! From the official Grindr website:
The world’s biggest mobile network of guys
Grindr, which first launched in 2009, has exploded into the largest and most popular all-male location-based social network out there. With more than 4 million guys in 192 countries around the world — and approximately 10,000 more new users downloading the app every day — you’ll always find a new date, buddy, or friend on Grindr.
Grindr is quick, convenient, and discreet. And it’s as anonymous as you want it to be. Grindr is a simple app that uses your mobile device’s location-based services to show you the guys closest to you who are also on Grindr. How much of your info they see is entirely your call.
0 feet away: Our mission for you
Grindr’s different because it’s uncomplicated and meant to help you meet
guys while you’re on the go. It’s not your average dating site — you know, the ones that make you sit in front of a faraway computer filling out complex, detailed profiles and answering invasive psychological questions. We’d rather you were zero feet away.
Whether you’re traveling, new in town, or just hanging out at home, Grindr’s the fastest, easiest, and most fun way to connect with the biggest network of nearby guys. And it’s available on not just the iPhone but also the iPad, iPod touch, Android, and BlackBerry.
It’s always amusing for me to see who’s around and to see what guys are looking for. What I’ve seen and experienced with this app is that the instant gratification can be detrimental. A person can get addicted to the ease of finding that “one night stand”. It literally is an online shopping site for gay men: fire it up, go window shopping for whatever you’re in the mood for, click on the profile, say “Hi” and let the games begin!
In all fairness, not all of the interactions are successful. The fickleness of individuals may counter the desires of the desperately seeking individual. After all, attraction goes both ways.
If you know a gay man (single or partnered) and if they have an iPhone, there’s a good chance they will have Grindr installed on their phone. You never know just when they’ll crave that hook-up.
As I mentioned earlier, you either love it or hate it. I’ve made a few good friends using Grindr, but more often I’ve had failures meeting guys on Grindr. As of May, I’m on hiatus from the app. But who knows… I haven’t uninstalled it quite yet… I may just fire up over the next few weeks. I’m currently testing my patience and willpower to stay away from this app. Wish me luck!
the soulmate manifesto 