Tag Archives: love

Appendix: Aphrodite

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In Greek mythology, Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty and sexual passion. She was born when Uranus was castrated by his son Cronus, his severed genitals thrown into the ocean began to churn and foam about them. From the aphros (“sea foam”) arose Aphrodite, and the sea carried her to the Isle of Cyprus.

After her birth, Zeus feared that the gods would fight over Aphrodite’s hand in marriage so he married her off to Hephaestus, god of fire. She loved gaiety and glamour and was not at all pleased at being the wife of the smithy Hephaestus. He forged an embroidered girdle for her called Cestus, which had the power of inspiring love. Aphrodite loved and was loved by many gods and mortals. Among her mortal lovers, the most famous was Adonis. Some of her sons are Eros, Anteros, Humenaios and Aeneas. Her favorite birds were swans and doves, and the rose and myrtle were sacred to her.

Ancient mythology furnishes numerous instances in which Aphrodite punished those who neglected her worship or despised her power, as well as others in which she favoured and protected those who did homage to her and recognized her sway. Love and beauty are ideas essentially connected, and Aphrodite was therefore also the goddess of beauty and gracefulness. In these points she surpassed all other goddesses, and she received the prize of beauty from Paris; she had further the power of granting beauty and invincible charms to others.

Her festival is the Aphrodisiac which was celebrated in various centers of Greece and especially in Athens and Corinth. Her priestesses were not prostitutes but women who represented the goddess and sexual intercourse with them was considered just one of the methods of worship.

The most detailed information on Aphrodite may be found here: http://www.theoi.com/Olympios/Aphrodite.html 

Dear Matt

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I don’t even know where to begin. 

There are so many emotions running through me right now. Feelings that I did not anticipate or predict. I fell in love with you. I took a chance and let go and let myself be vulnerable. Little did I know that while I was falling for you that you were also feeling the pressure of my existence. You told me too late and instead of letting me help you through this, you let me go. In a moment of stress and anxiety, you withdrew from me without giving me a chance.

Perhaps I never should have driven over that night. Maybe I should have just ignored you. But I care about you. I love you and wanted to help you through this. I didn’t know the price I would pay for my love. For that I’m so sorry.

I’m not going to lie to you or tell you I feel good about the situation. In fact, I feel terrible and wish I could prevent myself from driving over that evening. I wish I could go back in time because I know in my heart we would still be together if I would have stayed home. But I believe in second chances. We make mistakes and often react to the spontaneous impulses of being human.

I also noticed that your friendship towards me has also changed. That’s something I can’t reconcile either. You don’t want to be romantically involved with me yet you also push me away. Despite this one night, I have always thought of myself as a good friend even though we had to maintain a professional level along with the long distance between us. I have always been your friend and told you I’d be there for you when things ended.

In my mind and heart, I still have hope for us. I want us to talk about this and explore a different possibility. I know one exists where you can satisfy my needs. One where we can remain committed and strive towards a common ground…perhaps even common future. So hear me out: I want to try again. I want us to try again. In a different configuration that would allow you not to feel like you’ve failed.

My needs would be simple yet would definitely satisfy me and connect us:

  • We text each other once a day just to say “Hi” or “I’m thinking of you.” That’s all it takes.
  • We can chat over the phone randomly throughout a week just to hear each other’s voice.
  • We try to see each other at least once a month. If that’s not possible, then we adjust it to every two months. If that doesn’t work, we just keep adjusting until we’re able to make it work.
  • When we’re in each other’s home city, we reserve at least an hour together. We just find time and agree in advance the date and time and we commit to it. The rest of the time we can focus on work. If more time frees up, we can negotiate additional time together.
  • If we are feeling stressed about something, we agree to talk about it over the phone or in person. No texting. This will help bring us closer together.
  • We can talk about other goals that will you feel comfortable with the situation. No worries at all. 

We can make this work. I know it. You have to let go of thinking about the future and we both have to stop worrying about failure. You brought such happiness into my life and you’ve challenged me to move forward outside of my comfort zone. I also looked forward to you every week – you are a beacon of light in my life. I told you that I would rather have you in my life than not have you in my life and what I’m going through right now is proving that. I need you in my life. I do. I need you more right now than I think you need me. It’s my selfishness that is driving me. I want you in my life. I want you, Matt. 

I love you, Matt. I do.

I hope you can learn to love me too. We can teach other so much. We’re all learners, right? We are all students in this school of life and love. We’re also teachers too… and we have to teach each other. We can’t give up on someone who has made a mistake the first time. I won’t give up on you. This is a learning opportunity for growth. 

Can we try again?

Randy

Adding Value

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I woke up this morning to a text message from Matt. Basically, how much he misses me and can’t wait to call me.

I responded in the like and told him that I was “his”. He didn’t respond as I anticipated. In fact, he responded guiltily and said I deserved a lot more – someone who can give me more.

I was straight forward and asked him if he wanted to end it. He replied that he didn’t, but feels like a bad person to be with. Throughout our text messaging, he shared that he was so wrong for me and that I deserved better. All probably true, but my heart is already in love with him. 

Is this the tragedy that I was trying to avoid? Why have I fallen in love with someone who is not in the right configuration for me? Perhaps the answer is simple: I’ve just chosen Matt because the matters of the heart are unexplainable at times. I just love him.

The conversation continued on with him wanting to know how he “adds value” to my life. I told him the truth: He challenges me in a way I’ve never been challenged before, by pushing me outside of my comfort zone and letting me grow in a way I have not realized. The “growing” is painful at times, but I’m realizing how strong I can become. In addition, he’s proven to me that I can love another person again. Isn’t that value add enough?

So, he got on his flight and is heading home to DC. 

I left him with a few thoughts and parting words: 

  • How do I add value in his life?
  • Why does he want to date me?
  • Why doesn’t he want to let me go?

More to follow, I’m sure.

Fear

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It’s been just over a year since I started my break-up. My transition. My transformation. Chrysalis.

Matt came into my life at the most unexpected time. I’m pleasantly surprised. We’ve been officially “exclusively dating” each other for about 6 weeks now. It’s been an optimal dating situation. He lives in Washington, D.C., and I live in Seattle. He comes to Seattle about 3-4 days a week and I expect him to be here until mid-January. After that, everything is up in the air.

He’s told me already that he can’t be my boyfriend because he would be a bad boyfriend. But he can offer his compassion, intimacy and friendship at the least. So, I agreed.

My mind is swirling with possibilities, but the one I want the most is something that can never be. So, am I punishing myself? I thought this long and hard… I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not. I have good intentions and so does he. We obviously care about each other. We miss each other once in a while. There’s an honest and grounded connection between us. I mean, that’s the least we can ask, right? That’s the least any relationship can ask for.

I’ve decided to enjoy the moment of this experience for its simple bliss. I cannot control the outcome; nor predict the future of us. One thing is certain: I’m falling in love with him. Someone said to me: Like a coin, there are two sides to love: the joy and the pain. We cannot love someone without the risk of the pain. They go together. That’s what makes it so intense. So, that’s why i choose to go one with Matt. Why should I deny myself the chance to love someone?

If it ends, it will probably break my heart, but that’s part of the deal. It’s the risk I’m willing to take. Sure, I fear getting hurt a year after the break-up of my long term relationship. But knowing that I can actually love someone again is an unexpected revelation. So, yes, Matt. I do love you.