I am depressed. Loss of appetite and heartbroken. I know that this will pass, but I hate the time that it takes to pass in-between. I have honestly thought of killing myself this week. Not for Matt, not for my Ex, not for my mom. No, more selfish than that, i wanted to kill myself for me alone.
I even imagined and planned how I would do it. Step 1, buy a bottle of sleeping pills. Step 2, make sure my Ex is watching the dog. Step 3, keep my front door unlocked for easy access. Step 4, post a cryptic Tweet. Step 5, clean up my office. Step 6, take a shower and dress up beautifully. Step 7, take the pills in the morning after acupuncture. Step 8, position myself correctly on my yoga mat and go to sleep.
I don’t know how long it would take but I don’t know what would happen afterwards. I probably won’t be discovered for three days. Which would be gross. But oh well.
All I know is that I’m really tired. I’m exhausted. Tired if being alone, tired of being lonely. Tired of this existence.
But still, I continue on. Why? I have no idea.
Maybe the Universe has other plans for me…
the soulmate manifesto 
Do you wanna talk?
Sure. What are you thinking?
At the moment I thinking I’m hungry lol and I’m sure what in going to eat I’m also thinking I wish my husband were coming home tonight. What about you? What’s on your mind?
I’m thinking I’m pretty hungry and I don’t know what I’m going to eat lol and that I wish my husband would come home, what about you? What are you thinking?
Just got home. I’m hungry as well. Work kept me occupied, but it’s these evenings at home alone where I have too much time to think. It sucks, ya know. I think I’ll head out for take-out of some kind.